So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
