You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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