How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
