Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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