its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
