The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i came on her dog
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
