I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
