Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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