i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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