If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
