now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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