I wannas sexs uuuuu
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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