I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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