The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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