Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
