your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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