Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
