i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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