i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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