dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
