Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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