i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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