I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
