My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
