Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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