I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
