I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Four minutes until I can fart!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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