so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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