I skipped work to stalk him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
