Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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