Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
