a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he thought i was a dude.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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