you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
