omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
handjob tips. give me some.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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