just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We named our party play list daddy issues
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
