Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
