Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
