3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
