The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
