I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
