Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
