Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
