lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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