yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
