I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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