im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
