This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
