im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
