woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
