that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
