I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
