she was so not down for the gang bang
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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