I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just forgot I was standing up.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
