ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
