i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
this is an emotional support booty call
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
