Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
